You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
