Define "chronic" masturbator.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
