Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
