My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
