Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
