the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He shit in the fireplace
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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