she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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