I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
