im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
