Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
