if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
