If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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