Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
