We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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