listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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