is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
