Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
