I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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