Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
