Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
