I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
