Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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