She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
