There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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