i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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