obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
