the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
