i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
