I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i think my cat just said my name.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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