FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do herpes really smell.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
