On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Jerry, you need to find god
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
smell my finger.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
