The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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