just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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