She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
