Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
