i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
