If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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