nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
