I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
