I want to have your abortion
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
