Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
