i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
