Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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