Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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