a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
