the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
