seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I AM VODKA MAN
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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