I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
