I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
