today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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