Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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