But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
